Funerals

My grandma died last week. Among other things, this got me to thinking about mourning rituals. Interestingly, Mormon culture doesn't have too many mourning rituals because according to our worldview, death is a release and a new beginning to a better life after this life of mortality and pain.  We are, however, not without some ritual. As my grandma began to fail from her two month, untreated battle with cancer, my family gathered and waited, supporting my grandpa and being with my grandma in her last moments on this earth. It was amazing to be there together as a family; yes there were teary eyes, but there was no sobbing and wailing.

After a death, there is always a viewing, often the day before and then right before the funeral. In the interim between the viewing and the funeral, the family is gathered together to close the casket and a family prayer is offered with the family. The funeral is a time of remembrance and hope for the future. After the funeral, the casket is born out to a waiting hearse and as many of the family as wants, travels to the gravesite, which is dedicated. After all of this, the family returns to the church building where usually the church congregation has prepared a meal for all the family.

Most of the funeral parts are fine with me, but the one I really don't like is the viewing. The idea of a reception to trade condolences and sympathies is fine, but I do not enjoy seeing the deceased person. To me, it is no longer the person. I hate looking at them and seeing their empty features and falsely colored skin. So much of the funeral is about celebration and rejoicing, but when you look at the person, all you can think about is death. DEATH in capital letters. I don't like it. Does anyone know why the tradition of open casket viewings persist? Please tell me what you think about them.

A Jewish psychiatrist agrees with my dislike of viewings and supplies some of his own suppositions why we do viewings, although I disagree with his scriptural backing of his dislike (seen later in the article--I didn't copy that bit). In the introduction of his article, he writes:

"It has become a common practice at American funerals, among all religious faiths, to display the body of the deceased as part of the funeral ritual or service. This custom is of recent American origin, having no roots in ancient culture or contemporary European usage, with the exception of the "lying-in-state" of kings and emperors....The viewing of the corpse is one of the fundamentals of the economy of the funeral industry. Before the body is offered for presentation to relatives and friends, it must be perfumed, restored to a look of perfect health, dressed in expensive garments, and placed in a respectable, "comfortable-looking" casket. These requirements of viewing usually constitute the bulk of the funeral costs.

The new, American, quasi-religious ceremony is justified to the public by two high-sounding phrases. One is that viewing the corpse is "paying your last respects." This form of farewell to the deceased is made to seem the minimal courtesy a man can pay his beloved; it has become the natural and logical thing for mourners to do. The second is that it is a necessary aspect of "grief therapy," helping the bereaved to remember a sweet, content, smiling face rather than the vacant, pain-ridden, drawn look of a cadaver.

To the layman, both these arguments seem quite plausible, requiring no further investigation--certainly not at the time of death. The practice of viewing the remains has, therefore, become standard, and a "traditional" part of the American funeral."