Gifts

Gifts. Ever since I took my first anthropology class, I have never been able to think about gifts as something simply fun to receive. After learning about the extensive analysis that has examined gift giving throughout the world, I am now plagued with gift's baggage. Light-hearted presents have been destroyed for me by 1) social etiquette and 2) overanalytical anthropologists (both of which, ironically, I like, to certain extents).

So what is this "gift baggage" weighing down my mind? I can never just give a gift/or not give a gift without thinking of the significance of the gift. In my Anthro 101 class, we learned about the potlatch, a ritual gift-giving ceremony practiced by the Native Americans of the Pacific Northwest. The potlatch, as far as my hazy 101 memories go, was thrown by someone who wanted to show off their wealth and increase their prestige by how good of a party they threw and what sorts of presents they gave away. Doesn't sound too different from us, eh?

The potlatch, along with examples from other cultures, was used by Marcel Mauss in his book The Gift. The underlying theory of his book is that gift giving is a form of reciprocal economic exchange. In other words, gift giving is a similar system to a market of buying and selling, but instead of exchanging money for goods, we are exchanging a gift now for a gift in the future (us), or a gift for increased social prestige, or a gift for something.  Additionally, gifts are not one-sided. If I give you a gift, I expect you to give me or someone else a gift in the future. Therefore, there are no free, light-hearted gifts.

Some examples from my life:

Birthdays

I have forgotten that birthday party invitations carry an unsaid demand/requirement for a gift. Well, actually, I forget this unless its my birthday party, and then I can't forget about the presents, even though I wish I could dismiss from my mind the feeling that others should be giving me things. In the past three months, I have thrown two birthday parties--one for my daughter's first birthday and one for my husband. I have thrown these birthday parties as an excuse to make desserts but also to minimize family chaos who want to celebrate two big birthday milestones. I was quite taken aback by how many presents my one year old received. I expected one from grandma, not almost everyone that came. With my husband, he didn't receive nearly as many as my baby, but still more than I expected.  Are these people giving because they really, really like giving presents? Or because they feel like society demands it in exchange for going to the party?

Weddings

I know there have been many weddings that I haven't gone to because I didn't have time, desire, or money for a present.  For me, the connection between weddings and presents is even stronger than birthdays and presents.  Once in high school, I told my mom that I was just going to elope to evade the troubles of party planning. She replied, "Okay, well, you won't get any presents." This really made me really rethink. For some reason, the hassle and cost of party planning was all justified in that I would receive presents. In exchange for sherbet, cheese and crackers, delicious cake, and some carefully planned ambiance,  I'd furnish my new home. I'm still wondering if this was a good deal.

Then for fun, an example about Christmas gift reciprocity from Sheldon Cooper's life in the TV show, The Big Bang Theory:   http://youtu.be/Q1_zVswbW8s.  (Sorry I couldn't embed it.)