One afternoon during lunch time with my kids, I heard a multiple rap knock at the door. A knock with authority! Must be the UPS man. My friends don't knock like that. My husband gets car parts shipped to our house and I've noticed the UPS man knocks loud, the USPS postman knocks gently.
Nope. A cop.
Have you ever had a cop show up at your front door? A little alarming. My thoughts turned immediately to the half constructed bridge on my walk leading to my front door. Is it illegal to have bridges on your sidewalk? I know they are supposed to be over water, but, c'mon, not illegal ... I'm a real criminal, can you tell? The only thing illegal I could think of was wood projects, and as far as I know, that's not illegal (unless its on the public sidewalk. I've heard of people being cited if their car hangs over the sidewalk too far. #firstworldprovoproblems right?)
I haven't even ever been stopped by a cop. The closest car-cop interaction I have had is when a copped turned its lights on when I passed to flip a Uie, I mean a U-y, um, a U turn, whatever.
"Do you have a chicken permit?"
"Not yet," I said. I mean I haven't even gotten my kid license, I mean birth certificate, for my last kid, and she's almost two! When I feel overwhelmed with things I need to do and want to do, going to government offices is hard for me to remember to do, especially when I need to go there AND pay them money. But really, how bored is this officer if he is driving along looking for coops to check for permits.
"And you have a rooster."
Ah. There it is. Here is why this noble policeman is on my doorstep, even though I'm sure he wants to be somewhere else.
Yes, yes, we have a rooster. And he is annoying. And, I've wanted him dead for quite awhile now. As has my husband. But wanting him dead at 5:30 AM doesn't always translate into action once fully awake. I told our rooster, Gygi is his name (Gigi if you ask my husband), that he was going to be lunch meat after he pecked me quite hard once, and I meant it. But chicken society being what it is, we couldn't just kill him as soon as he crowed. You should never introduce a solo chicken into a flock. Since we had bought Gygi with one other chicken, we had to wait for the other chicken to be slowly introduced to the older members of the flock to prevent her from being mercilessly bullied.
And yes, we knew the rooster was against residential coding, but we live in a weird little area. Three out of four sides of our block are agricultural. I hear other roosters throughout the day and hear cows lowing throughout the night. And smell cows. C'mon, we're only quasi residential. But yeah, against the rules and I TOTALLY GET THAT.
BUT. During the apocalypse, or whatever happens that y'all are saving food storage for, y'all (see, I live in an agricultural area) are going to rue the day that you ratted out my roo (sorry, couldn't help myself). The roo is essential to self sufficiency. My hens will lay eggs for awhile, but they will get tired and old, and stop laying. If I had a rooster, I could raise new hens and have eggs in perpetuity. But I can't do that; my neighbors prize their sleep too much to allow that.
Our urban society has distanced itself from our food production and zoning rules prohibit food from encroaching back in. For those of us who would like to bring food production a little closer to home, it can be frustrating to think the only way to do that is to buy a large lot. In my city, you can't keep livestock on a residential city lot. I can't get the goat I kind of want so I can be partially sufficient in milk. You can only have six hens for egg laying. I've also learned recently that many cities have rules about how much grass you must have. One lady I knew in a neighboring city was told she couldn't convert her front yard to a vegetable garden because of zoning. You also can't put up a front privacy fence, you know, in case your neighbors think what you are doing is ugly. Our aesthetic is decided by the city. I love gardening and I admire a well tended plot, but what if our coding motivated self-sufficiency and water-wise principles instead lifeless backyards and a wide swath of non-native, water and chemical hungry lawn? Smart gardens are beautiful gardens. What if zoning encouraged us to make habitats for bees, birds, and other wildlife? Maybe if we can change our outdoor values, the city codes would eventually follow suit. Rejoice in that rooster; rejoice in those weeds. They both have value.
P.S. My response to the police officer was "we're going to kill him." I'm glad I didn't get arrested on the spot since when I did go to get my chicken permit, I learned you are only supposed to have hens for egg laying, which I presume means not harvesting them for meat. I don't know what they think is going to happen to all the roosters that didn't win the genetic lottery.
