When visitors come to your house, what do you? What is your visitor ritual?
Growing up, we had monthly visits from the home teachers. As I Christian/caring human being, we all need to take care of each other. My faith implements this by trying to have each home in a congregation visited once a month by "home teachers" (men visiting families) and "visiting teachers" (women visiting women). As a child, we all gathered in the living room with the less comfortable couch as my dad and my mom talked to these men who came to visit. I love home teaching visits now that I'm the parent and the visitor is more my peer. But yeah, he comes in, we talk, he leaves.
I'm coming to realize, though, that my personal culture and perhaps my area of LDS culture's visitor rituals are not standard, American visitor rituals. On my mission for the Church in Europe, we were often offered something to drink or eat when we visited homes and as a hungry and thirsty missionary, I always appreciated such kind offers. I never compared their hospitality to my own, until...
A lady I visit as a visiting teacher, who recently joined our LDS faith (and culture, by consequence), always has bottled water and treats for us when we visit her. Always. Even after I explained to her that the other girl who visits with me has dietary restrictions. I never offer water/treats to visiting teachers nor home teachers, and they don't seem to expect it. I think I need to work on my hospitality rituals.
What are your hospitality rituals?
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Trash
Anthropologists for years asked questions about other tribes/cultures/peoples, but I love reading the contemporary anthropologists that study themselves. One of the more memorable projects (way to go Professor Bartlett!) in my Intro to Archaeology class was to go through my garbage to learn about myself, or if I knew nothing about me, what my trash would infer about my habits. My professor was mimicking this study (or one like it)
"We are what we throw away"
These anthropologists have been cataloging and analyzing trash for 30 years to learn about OUR society. Sounds fun, right?
When I googled it, look at these fun things I found about anthropologists studying trash:
Have you heard of Discard Studies? Studying our discard culture
The Anthropology of Garbage
This story is about a professor at University of Washington who is using his archaeological skills to study the trash left behind at resting places in the desert as illegal immigrants are crossing from Mexico to the United States.
What would your trash say about you?
My recycling today would reveal that we drink lots and lots of milk and use lots of butter.
"We are what we throw away"
These anthropologists have been cataloging and analyzing trash for 30 years to learn about OUR society. Sounds fun, right?
When I googled it, look at these fun things I found about anthropologists studying trash:
Have you heard of Discard Studies? Studying our discard culture
The Anthropology of Garbage
This story is about a professor at University of Washington who is using his archaeological skills to study the trash left behind at resting places in the desert as illegal immigrants are crossing from Mexico to the United States.
What would your trash say about you?
My recycling today would reveal that we drink lots and lots of milk and use lots of butter.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Stereotypes
**Author's note: more about categories. I wrote this a while ago and found it after I published the "Categories" post. Can you tell I think about it a lot? This one is more serious/less sleep deprived.
As an anthropologist, I observe people and their material culture. I try to decipher what their material culture says about them. (Read in normal speak: I judge people based on their things.)
In my neighborhood, there is a house that has a huge five wheel RV, a big ol' truck to pull it, a four wheeler, and a sign with the family name accompanied by a deer/mountain scene. Last fall (the first fall we were in the neighborhood) someone mentioned that they would be gone for the hunt. I noted, I don't know if it was to myself or my husband, "Oh that brown house should be going too." I kid you not, a very short time later, the camper and RV disappeared. I've never met the people that live there, but I made assumptions about the people that lived there based on their belongings. That, my friends, is stereotyping. In this case, the stereotype fit and was accurate.
Another example, in my ward (or church congregation defined by a geographical area) there are residential agricultural lots. A couple weeks in a row the same family sat behind me. Their son wore cowboy boots; the dad had cowboy style shirts and a mustache; and the mom had big bangs. I noted to myself, "I bet they live on 600 South (the street where most of the agricultural lots are)." Again, I was right.
I'm sure no one likes to admit that they stereotype, but we all do it. I think we do it because there are truths behind the stereotypes (for good and bad). I'd like to believe that if they were always wrong, we'd stop doing it (maybe I'm being optimistic there). The stereotypes have roots somewhere. In a way, it is a way to develop categories.
In one of my anthropology classes, Professor Richard Buonforte talked about how our brains need categories so we do not get overwhelmed processing information. If every time we walked into a classroom, we had to process every thing we saw, we would take much longer to process everything. If, however, our "stereotype" of the classroom said that we could expect to see a clock, desks, a teacher, a whiteboard, students, learning implements, then our brain doesn't have to spend too much time/energy processing. We already know what we will find so we can start thinking about something else. It'd be like we had to relearn and relearn constantly. I'm still working on how categories help us understand people.
Even if the stereotypes are accurate, though, they can still be dangerous. I think the danger of stereotypes comes from seeing a person as a flat, one-dimensional character, seeing them as nothing more than the stereotype and not allowing the stereotyped person to become more than the stereotype, an individual.
As an anthropologist, I observe people and their material culture. I try to decipher what their material culture says about them. (Read in normal speak: I judge people based on their things.)
In my neighborhood, there is a house that has a huge five wheel RV, a big ol' truck to pull it, a four wheeler, and a sign with the family name accompanied by a deer/mountain scene. Last fall (the first fall we were in the neighborhood) someone mentioned that they would be gone for the hunt. I noted, I don't know if it was to myself or my husband, "Oh that brown house should be going too." I kid you not, a very short time later, the camper and RV disappeared. I've never met the people that live there, but I made assumptions about the people that lived there based on their belongings. That, my friends, is stereotyping. In this case, the stereotype fit and was accurate.
Another example, in my ward (or church congregation defined by a geographical area) there are residential agricultural lots. A couple weeks in a row the same family sat behind me. Their son wore cowboy boots; the dad had cowboy style shirts and a mustache; and the mom had big bangs. I noted to myself, "I bet they live on 600 South (the street where most of the agricultural lots are)." Again, I was right.
I'm sure no one likes to admit that they stereotype, but we all do it. I think we do it because there are truths behind the stereotypes (for good and bad). I'd like to believe that if they were always wrong, we'd stop doing it (maybe I'm being optimistic there). The stereotypes have roots somewhere. In a way, it is a way to develop categories.
In one of my anthropology classes, Professor Richard Buonforte talked about how our brains need categories so we do not get overwhelmed processing information. If every time we walked into a classroom, we had to process every thing we saw, we would take much longer to process everything. If, however, our "stereotype" of the classroom said that we could expect to see a clock, desks, a teacher, a whiteboard, students, learning implements, then our brain doesn't have to spend too much time/energy processing. We already know what we will find so we can start thinking about something else. It'd be like we had to relearn and relearn constantly. I'm still working on how categories help us understand people.
Even if the stereotypes are accurate, though, they can still be dangerous. I think the danger of stereotypes comes from seeing a person as a flat, one-dimensional character, seeing them as nothing more than the stereotype and not allowing the stereotyped person to become more than the stereotype, an individual.
Categories
Do you categorize people as you see them?
I saw a man with red/purple pants and brown loafer shoes and I thought, "hipster," "trendy." And from there spawns a conversation in my head about how I'm not trendy and all the reasons for it. (If you wear colored pants--awesome! I would wear them if someone gave them to me.)
I see all sorts of people and spontaneously categorize them. Its not something I do consciously. I do it before I realize I'm doing it. I learned in one of my anthro classes that we categorize/stereotype so our brain won't explode with new information as we go about life. I'm not sure how this applies to people. Maybe its a knuckle dragging brain reflex that deserves extinction.
I wonder as I'm making my snap judgments (I call them "categories" when I want to be nice to myself) about what people's snap judgments are of me. And I realize that those snap judgments someone may make about me may really apply to me. No matter how much I don't like falling into the stereotypical "Mom" look--well yeah, I did care more about getting breakfast ready, nursing my baby, and folding that laundry that has been haunting me since yesterday than standing and blow drying my hair for 20 minutes. Hopefully no one classifies me as "non-hygienic" but I could see that happening because sometimes I really hate showers (because, heck, I'm just gonna get dirty again).
Besides "mom," I don't think anyone would categorize me as I would categorize me. Mom--wanna be garden hippy--loves outdoors to the point of loving pulling weeds to be outdoors--likes organization but is anything but (but that's what I'm obsessing about today. Maybe tomorrow I'll be categorizing myself differently).
Will you join me in stopping our snap judgments? People are much more complex than their appearances may suggest (or perhaps more bland than their appearances may suggest).
I was given a cupcake with a cupcake topper many years ago that I had thought so profound that I put it on my wall ( I know, a cupcake topper on my wall. Label me--"tacky teenager" :) ). It said, "She is a child of God." Morals from cupcakes: "She is a child of God." Not just "I'm a child of God" but everyone around us.
I saw a man with red/purple pants and brown loafer shoes and I thought, "hipster," "trendy." And from there spawns a conversation in my head about how I'm not trendy and all the reasons for it. (If you wear colored pants--awesome! I would wear them if someone gave them to me.)
I see all sorts of people and spontaneously categorize them. Its not something I do consciously. I do it before I realize I'm doing it. I learned in one of my anthro classes that we categorize/stereotype so our brain won't explode with new information as we go about life. I'm not sure how this applies to people. Maybe its a knuckle dragging brain reflex that deserves extinction.
I wonder as I'm making my snap judgments (I call them "categories" when I want to be nice to myself) about what people's snap judgments are of me. And I realize that those snap judgments someone may make about me may really apply to me. No matter how much I don't like falling into the stereotypical "Mom" look--well yeah, I did care more about getting breakfast ready, nursing my baby, and folding that laundry that has been haunting me since yesterday than standing and blow drying my hair for 20 minutes. Hopefully no one classifies me as "non-hygienic" but I could see that happening because sometimes I really hate showers (because, heck, I'm just gonna get dirty again).
Besides "mom," I don't think anyone would categorize me as I would categorize me. Mom--wanna be garden hippy--loves outdoors to the point of loving pulling weeds to be outdoors--likes organization but is anything but (but that's what I'm obsessing about today. Maybe tomorrow I'll be categorizing myself differently).
Will you join me in stopping our snap judgments? People are much more complex than their appearances may suggest (or perhaps more bland than their appearances may suggest).
I was given a cupcake with a cupcake topper many years ago that I had thought so profound that I put it on my wall ( I know, a cupcake topper on my wall. Label me--"tacky teenager" :) ). It said, "She is a child of God." Morals from cupcakes: "She is a child of God." Not just "I'm a child of God" but everyone around us.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Compliments
Beauty Redefined (http://www.beautyredefined.net/blog/ or on Facebook "Beauty Redefined), two University of Utah PhD students on a mission to change how American/modern/western culture focuses on women's bodies, has made me aware of how many of the small things we've been acculturated to do and say that focus on our bodies, how we look, and those messages we send with these comments. Over Christmas, they urged us not to fall prey to awkwardness and just compliment that person/friend/family member you haven't seen in awhile's weight loss/shirt/party dress and encouraged us to find something else to talk about beyond physical appearance.
Man it's hard.
But I agree. Its nice to be noticed physically, but its also awkward. When a friend who just had a baby says something about my waistline (that also recently had a baby in it), I can fill the comparisons coming and its awkward. Nothing I can say will make it better, probably worsen what I'm feeling inside, because honestly, I really hadn't thought about me vs. her until she brought it up. And now that I'm married, its always awkward when a man says anything about how I look.
A while back, I also read an article by Lisa Bloom on Huffington Post about how to talk to little girls (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp). The author suggests that we ask little girls what are they reading or what their favorite books are instead of commenting on their cute hair/dress/etc. I myself have two little girls, a toddler and a newborn, neither of who are particularly receptive to talking about favorite books. BUT I have tried to come up with more original compliments.
I'm really stuck with a newborn. Have you noticed how much you dwell on physical appearances with babies? "You're so cute." "Hello, Beautiful." "Look at that cute tongue of yours." "I love your eyes." "Big smile!" "Such a chubby baby!" I walk into my baby girls' (at least when they were babies) rooms when they wake up in the morning and say, "Hello Beautiful." I delighted in my first daughter's chubbiness. I was proud that I made such a happy, healthy chubby baby with the chubbiest legs. We called her "Chubbles" and "Chubbas" and "Chubbs." Many people worried we were going to give her a weight complex--she was not even talking! The name has faded as she's gotten older. Do you think this will give her a complex about her weight? On the flipside, I have a friend with the cutest, chubbiest son (about four months and 20ish pounds. I'm not the mom so I don't remember the exact weight.) that was telling him the other day, as if he was concerned, that his weight would go away. Which extreme is worse?
What do you think? Does how we talk to the less than 12 month crowd impact them? Or is it merely good practice for the parents to talk to them positively about body appearance?
Man it's hard.
But I agree. Its nice to be noticed physically, but its also awkward. When a friend who just had a baby says something about my waistline (that also recently had a baby in it), I can fill the comparisons coming and its awkward. Nothing I can say will make it better, probably worsen what I'm feeling inside, because honestly, I really hadn't thought about me vs. her until she brought it up. And now that I'm married, its always awkward when a man says anything about how I look.
A while back, I also read an article by Lisa Bloom on Huffington Post about how to talk to little girls (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp). The author suggests that we ask little girls what are they reading or what their favorite books are instead of commenting on their cute hair/dress/etc. I myself have two little girls, a toddler and a newborn, neither of who are particularly receptive to talking about favorite books. BUT I have tried to come up with more original compliments.
I'm really stuck with a newborn. Have you noticed how much you dwell on physical appearances with babies? "You're so cute." "Hello, Beautiful." "Look at that cute tongue of yours." "I love your eyes." "Big smile!" "Such a chubby baby!" I walk into my baby girls' (at least when they were babies) rooms when they wake up in the morning and say, "Hello Beautiful." I delighted in my first daughter's chubbiness. I was proud that I made such a happy, healthy chubby baby with the chubbiest legs. We called her "Chubbles" and "Chubbas" and "Chubbs." Many people worried we were going to give her a weight complex--she was not even talking! The name has faded as she's gotten older. Do you think this will give her a complex about her weight? On the flipside, I have a friend with the cutest, chubbiest son (about four months and 20ish pounds. I'm not the mom so I don't remember the exact weight.) that was telling him the other day, as if he was concerned, that his weight would go away. Which extreme is worse?
What do you think? Does how we talk to the less than 12 month crowd impact them? Or is it merely good practice for the parents to talk to them positively about body appearance?
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